He can't live without her
by CarodePablo
Summary: Chapter 1 - 2: He knew she was up to something and he knew it had something to do with Bodnar. Attached to "Chasing Ghosts" - written before the ep aired Chapter 3 - 4: Ziva had been fired! and where will that leave Tony and Ziva's "relationship"? And how will Ziva react? My take(s) on the last scene(s)
1. Chapter 1

**Hola people! This is my take on what could happen between Ziva and Tony in the next episode "Chasing Ghosts"! Damn I'm looking forward to that episode! I'm sure it will be legendary :D**

**At first I want to say that English is not my favourite language when it comes to the grammar rules. I'm more the German and Latin kind of grammar-girl, but I'm sure you will understand my fic anyway. If there is something that doesn't make any sense please write it to me so I can change it! Thanks :)**

**Well then I want to say that I of course own NCIS so... April fool's! I own nothing besides my computer and this fanfic.**

**Please review! They will make my day! All kinds! Well maybe not something mean, but if you feel like writing a mean review then it's your choice, I don't care. We all have the right to speak ;) **

It was a Friday evening. They had just solved a case this afternoon so left were to make their reports. It looked like both Ziva and McGee were almost done since they both were checking their reports from grammar mistakes. Tony himself was only half way through it because he had so many things on his mind these days and the common subject for all of his thoughts was Ziva. He knew she wasn't over the death of her father, but for a while he honestly thought she was alright, well as alright as she could be. Though lately she had seemed different and he could see it when he looked her in the eyes, it was like she was on another planet. She had defiantly something on her mind which had worried him a lot, but earlier this Friday when Abby had mentioned that Ziva was always busy; his worry had changes to something he couldn't quite place besides the fact it made his stomach hurt. What was she up to?

Tony's thoughts were interrupted by McGee leaving with a quick _"goodnight_". The ninja had begun to shot her computer down so if he had to do something or say something before the weekend it had to be now.

"_So Ziva, what are your plans for this weekend?"_ He asked and trying to sound normal though he didn't feel normal at all.

He swore he saw her going from suspicious to confused and in the end relaxed before she answered: "_Well Tony if you most know, I'm going to relax and maybe read a good book"_

Did she think he was stupid? He knew that she knew that he can always tell when she is lying to him and she was clearly lying right now. He thought for a moment how he should continue this when he decided to keep the great mood. "_You have bought those "Fifty Shades books haven't you"? I have heard that they are pretty sexy"! _He said and gave her a flirtatious smile. She just rolled her eyes and grabbed her gears, about to leave when Tony came over to her desk standing in front of her.

"_You are sure you are alright?"_ He asked seriously. Ziva could see how worried he looked and she started to wonder how much he already knew.

"_What are you talking about Tony? I'm just fine"_ Her heart felt like it was about to hop out of her chest so nervous was she, because if he found out then he wouldn't let her go. If he knew he didn't show it, but with his next question she knew that he at least was suspicious about something because he had never asked her about it before. Or maybe she was the one who was suspicious of him; maybe he just wanted to spend some time with her. They had been closer lately.

"_Well if you are fine, then I have been thinking if you want to do something tonight? Maybe grab some Chinese and then have a Pirates of Caribbean marathon at my place? I know how much you love Johnny Depp"_ He said showing his million dollar smile.

She glared at him a bit confused because she really wanted to do this, she needed this, but she just couldn't. Something was more important. _"I am sorry Tony, maybe some other time. I am just really tired tonight"._ She smiled though it didn't reach her eyes. She walked past him towards the elevator and shortly after, she was gone.

20 minutes later he was done with his report too though it wasn't the best he had made. His mind was filled with Ziva and what trouble she was up to. Was she sitting in her apartment crying over that she wasn't a sister or a daughter to anyone? Just the thought of it gave him a huge knot in the stomach. Or was she, worst case scenario, trying to get revenge over that S.O.B Bodnar? All of it made him sick mentally because this was Ziva, his everything. **The woman he loves and he can't live without her**. He had to call McGee so he could track her cell. He had to know where she was. If she was in her apartment then he would check to see if she needed him. Or maybe she really was reading "Fifty Shades", yeah right he thought. Deep down he knew that she wasn't home, she was planning something and she wouldn't be home if she was – she had had Mossad-training after all. After few seconds McGee answered his phone.

_Hey Probie! It's your amigo bueno! Would you do me a favor and track Ziva's cell?" _

"_Tony what are you doing"?_ McGee said a bit irritating

"_Look Tim, I know that it's wrong, but I have to do it, I have to find out what Ziva is up to. I'm really worried about her". _

McGee could really hear how worried Tony was so even though it wasn't fair to Ziva's privacy he knew he had to do it. Tony wasn't the only one who was worried now. _"Alright Tony, but only because I literally can feel how worried you are through the phone… I'll call you when I got her location." _

It was the longest five minutes in Tony's life. Of course the wait for a new film to be released could be hard, but this was killing him. Where could Ziva be? The sadness in her eyes had shown more and more the last four weeks, but when he thought about it her eyes had also shown some resolution which, honestly, scared him the most. He would do everything for her and he had to let her know that, even though he had said it to her before he had to let her know she wasn't alone. His thinking was interrupted by his cellphone.

"_Where is she McGee"?_ He said right away.

"_You are right Tony! She isn't home, she is in an office building which had been empty since last month because the company moved to a new building. Do you want me to come with you?" _McGee asked a bit concerned too. Ziva was a big girl and could take care of herself, but he didn't like it either.

"_No, thanks McGee… I have to do it alone"_ Tony answered. He was actually touched that McGee was worried too, even though it was their job to have each other backs it was still nice to have a friend like his probie.

"_Alright Tony, be careful! I have sent you the address and good luck._" McGee said before he hung up.

**Thanks for reading! & Review! **

**Btw the next and last chapter will be up tonight or tomorrow :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**The last chapter! Please review :)**

**And I still don't own NCIS **

The building looked like it had been built in the old DDR, so he didn't blame the company for moving to something new. It didn't look like someone was in there, the building was completely dark. A red Mini Cooper wasn't parked outside, but who was he kidding? This was his ninja we were talking about; of course you wouldn't be able to see if she was there. Though he knew she was.

Even though it "just" was Ziva he still grabbed his gun and went inside to search the building. Down a long hall he saw some light through some blinds, this must be here and he actually felt relieved. He knocked on the door because the last thing he wanted was a gun pointed to his head. He could feel the irony when the door opened and Ziva stood and pointed a gun at him.

When she saw who it was she took her gun away and said a bit surprised _"Tony…. I…"_ She stopped to speak when she realized what Tony was looking at, the wall behind her. It was filled with pictures and articles all of them had something to do with Bodnar. Tony could feel his worst nightmare coming true.

Ziva went behind a desk standing in the middle of the room with an old laptop on it. She didn't think, she just went back there because what she saw in Tony's eyes made her a bit startled. He looked both scared and worried as he did back in the bull pen, but now he also looked angry and that was the last thing she wanted right now or needed for that matter.

He took a few steps into the little office. _"You are going after Bodnar aren't you"?_ He tried to sound as calm as possible, but it was hard to hide the anger which had suddenly hit him. He had fought to get through her walls and he had actually thought it had succeeded. Nonetheless she had kicked him out again and he felt like she didn't trust him. It wasn't that he didn't understand her, this was her way of getting through the death of a love one, but he couldn't stop feeling hurt.

"_I am Tony and you cannot stop me. I know what you are going to say and I would not change my mind" _She said firmly like she knew he would discover her at some point and had in that case prepared a little speech or maybe it was guilt, any way Tony couldn't quite place it. He still felt angry though.

"_But why on Earth didn't you tell me about this Ziva! I honestly thought we were past these things, I thought we could tell each other stuff like this! Do you realize that you can get yourself killed? Do you know how selfish that is!?"_ This time he couldn't hide his anger or worry for that matter. During his angry speech he had went to stand in front of her, though on the other side of the desk.

"_Selfish Tony!?" _She was getting angry now too because how dare he calling her selfish she thought, before she added: "_I am going to kill a man who has murdered my father and a mom to two children! I am going to put myself in danger Tony, that it's not selfish!"_ She looked angry and stubborn at him.

"_Dammit Ziva!"_ He cried and then thought about what to say next, he had to think it through so he didn't say something which wasn't meant for an argument. _"It selfish because a lot of people care about you and if you die they wouldn't be able to get over it because you mean too much to them…" _This wasn't said with anger but with uncertainty and care. He looked down so he couldn't see what she was thinking. They both knew it was him he was talking about. He was the one who wouldn't get over it. Never.

The anger in her eyes disappeared when she heard Tony's words. She went to his side of the desk, few centimeters from him when she spoke softly, looking him straight in the eyes: "_I need to do this Tony and if something happens to me then I am sure you will get through."_ She smiled sweetly though a bit sadly too and then put her left palm on his left cheek.

They looked each other in the eyes a minute or two before Tony pulled himself together so he wouldn't either kiss her or tell her that he **loves** her. This wasn't the right time, she wasn't ready yet.

He covered hers much smaller hand which was still on his cheek with his own hand, he took their hands down so they were holding hands instead. _"Ziva we can discuss the rest later, but so far you have to know that I will neither get through nor get over you. I can't live without you"_…

" _Stop Tony.. I.."_ Ziva interrupted him because she was getting really overwhelmed by all of this. Every time she had planned a mission like this no one had never tried to stop her or even cared about it. She was about to say that of course he could live without her, she was only Ziva, she had no real family. She felt lost in life and everything she had been through was starting to hunt her, particularly the death of Ari and most of all Somalia. She felt like a wreck and no one should feel that they couldn't live without her, especially not Tony who she was truly in love with. It was the only feeling she had under control, but he was right they should discuss that later, if there would be any later…

She didn't get to say the rest before his right index finger was on her lips. "_Ziva let me finish this please"_, he took a deep breath before added, _"it's true Ziva and therefor I will follow you wherever you go in this revenge-trip. I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror if I couldn't protect you and something really bad happened to you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you die because I wasn't there to back you up. And as you know I wouldn't be able live at all if something ever happens to you. So where are we going"?_

He said with little smile and removed his finger from her lips so she could speak, though she looked a bit stunned. He squeezed her hand which made her come back from wherever she had been in her own brain.

She didn't know what to do with all these information and the huge concern for her so she stammered at first when she answered him. "_Be… Ber…Lin… I… Me… I'm going to Berlin"_, she looked nervously around the room until her eyes again found Tony's and added this time without the stammer, _"It's very sweet of you Tony, but I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to you on my revenge-trip as you put it. And, and if you die out there…. I… I"_. She couldn't hold the lump in her throat and the fresh tears in her eyes any longer, the thought of losing Tony broke her.

She took her hand from his and joined it with the other to cover her eyes instead. She stood there in front of him, shaking and crying, not really loud but it wasn't quiet either. He closed the distance between them and hugged her tightly, her head on his chest and him caressing her back and ponytail.

When her crying had stopped a bit he said to her, _"I don't care if you like it or not because I'm coming with you, you need me there both as backup but also to be there for you. No arguments. When do we leave?"_

She looked up at him with wet eyes and smiled grateful though she was afraid of losing him she was actually happy that he would be there with her. _"The flight is tomorrow morning at 8.00"._

**Thanks for reading! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews and you who follow this fic! It means a lot to me :D**

**My plan was to write my takes on Berlin, Revenge and Double Blind before they aired... That didn't end well... So now you have my take on the last last last scene(s) of season 10. Actually you have two endings.**

**- This one below is what I think really could happen or something like it. Of course it's still a bit AU... **

**- The next chapter is what I wish should happen. Really AU **

**I hope you will read both chapters! And sorry for any grammar mistakes. **

**It's about Tony and Ziva and I don't own them at all, sadly... Nor do I own NCIS**

She had been fired. Ziva was fired from NCIS.

That was all he could think of when he drove home in a borrowed car. He was lucky that other people weren't driving this late otherwise the change of him spending the night in the hospital was big. He missed two red lights and at one point he found himself driving in the wrong side. His mind kept telling him to care about his safety, but he just couldn't. All he could think of was Ziva being fired and what had went wrong between them the past week. So much had happened and now he didn't even know what would happen in the future. Was he going to lose her? He couldn't figure out what page she was on when it came to him….

His mind was interrupted by a sound of an angry car behind him. He had forgotten to drive when the light had changed to green and now it was red again. Though nothing happened it was still and eye-opener, he needed to do something, he needed to talk with Ziva and he needed to go home safe.

Should he drive to her place or just call her? He had to check if she was alright, she had looked so broken when she left with all her stuff. Yeah he definitely had to talk with her, but first he had to go home and think of what to do and say. The light turned green and Tony was fast because all he wanted was to be home.

He had only gotten to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt when he heard a weak knock on his door. He was shocked that Ziva was standing there outside, but he was more shocked at how she looked. Her hair was a mess; she had a sad and angry look in her eyes. All in all it looked like she was about to break for real – it had been a tough week, not to mention a tough day.

Tony didn't know what to say and neither did Ziva. They only looked each other in the eyes which they actually hadn't done since she told him about her sleeping with Adam. That realization hit her hard and for the first time she let herself cry over what had happened since the car crash. Tony could see her break and he didn't even hesitate to take her hand and started to lead her to his couch. However, he only managed to close the door and get them halfway there before she fell to the floor crying her pain out. He sat next to her shaking form and took her in his arms.

He didn't know if it had been hours or only 15 minutes, but he didn't care, because the only thing that mattered was Ziva. He could hear that she had stopped crying and only shaking a bit once in a while, so he asked caringly, "tell me everything Ziva, tell me how you feel?" Maybe it was a bit of a cliché question, but he needed to know the answer, he needed to know how she felt about all of this.

She didn't look up at him, but she could feel how worried he was. Her voice was shaky though the more she talked the more reliable became her voice. "I… I… I'm… I am not quite sure how I feel or what it is that I'm feeling, however, I know I feel a bit lost… I have lost everything Tony…"

"You haven't lost me" Tony answered quietly.

For the first time in 100 years she actually smiled a bit, not much, but it stilled managed Tony's butterflies to wake a bit more. Ziva really had a huge effect on him; however, this wasn't the time to think about that.

Suddenly she got up and said, "I think I am ready to sit on the couch now". That line actually scared Tony because no way in hell she was about to put her walls back up! She always tried to be sarcastic when she didn't like the situation or felt uncomfortable.

He joined her on the couch and took both of her hands in his. "Ziva look at me. Don't put your walls back up, I want to be there for you and you will never lose me and haven't for that matter".

"Honestly Tony, I thought I had lost you, well apart of you, when I told you about me and Adam"… She took a deep breath before continuing, "I shouldn't have done it to you, done it to your trust. Me choosing a man I didn't even know over you, it wasn't fair, I'm really sorry Tony… I just needed to forget for a moment and Adam just happened to be there and one thing led to another and…" She looked him deep in the eyes and the hurt which had been there a week ago was gone, replaced with poor worry and love._ Love, _the first time she acknowledged it was in Berlin, but she knew it had been there at least since the bombing last year.

"Hey Ziva it's alright. I understand." He said and squeezed her hands. "What matters now is how we are going to get you back to work… And to support Gibbs with his last trials"…

After his words Ziva got awfully quiet and they sat on his couch, holding hands. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was a painful one. Tony wasn't sure how many minutes it took, however, the time stopped when she broke the silence.

"That is actually why I came here tonight Tony… I am… I am not coming back to NCIS…. I have to leave the US within a month..." Ziva could feel her eyes tearing up again and Tony's sad eyes on her didn't help.

"What?" "Why?" Tony said almost as a whisper.

"National security"... She answered and looked down; she didn't want to look at him right now because she could literally feel the desperation and anger coming from him.

"I'm coming with you"! Tony stated firmly.

As much as she actually wanted him to come with her she knew it wasn't impossible. One day she truly hoped that she would get a happy life without too much bad luck. A life with Tony…

"Tony listen… You cannot come with me; they will see you as a traitor as well and… I cannot live with myself if you got into problems because of me…"

She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she could also see that he knew she was right.

They both sat on the couch, holding each other's hand, unknown to what would happen, both scared and lost. **Will they get through it?**

**PHOOFS! **

**Thanks for reading! And now you continue to next chapter ;D3**


	4. Chapter 4

**So I hope you liked my take on the finale. Please read this below too, it's much sweeter! hehe (Tony driving home and Ziva crying on the floor has already happened, so it's just another ending after Ziva says she is not coming back) **

"_National security"... She answered and looked down; she didn't want to look at him right now because she could literally feel the desperation and anger coming from him._

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOO!" He quickly got off the couch and went to his bedroom and back again. He continued like this for a while until Ziva got a bit irritated with him. She was frustrated too, but that didn't help at all.

"TONY! STOP IT!" She almost yelled. Her words broke his trance and for a second he looked like he was about to cry.

"I'm coming with you no matter where you go, I'll be there with you" He stated firmly and Ziva knew not to debate with him when he acted like that. On the other hand she didn't want to either, she knew it was wrong, but she needed him. She loved him.

"Thank you Tony", she said as she went to stand in front of him. "I really appreciate it". She didn't know if it was her or him, however, two second later they were hugging.

The smell of Ziva was amazing and Tony could stand like this all day, but he knew that both of them could use some sleep, it was past midnight and it had been some tough days. So even though he hated to do this, hated to break the hug, he knew he had to.

"Take my bed Ziva, I'll sleep on the couch". She just nodded and he could see how tired she really was. He rested his forehead against her before letting her go. 10 minutes later Ziva was in his bed and he trying to sleep on the couch.

He woke in the middle of the night with a feeling of someone watching him, but it was hard to see anything in the dark.

"Ziva is that you. Are you alright?" He said with a sleepy voice. He could make her out only few meters from him.

"Yes Tony I'm fine. I couldn't sleep and I went out to get some water... Well I suppose I didn't get very far"

He couldn't help but smile a bit before saying. "What were you thinking of then"?

She could sense the smile in his voice and she was glad that something was still normal, or as normal it could be.

"I… I was thinking of Berlin, us dancing… And before we got hit by Bodnar"

"Dance with me Ziva". Tony suddenly said

"What"? Did she hear correct, was he asking to dance with her?

Before she knew it, he was standing in front of her and 1 second later they danced like they did in Berlin. After few minutes he stopped to turn on a little lamp on a table and within seconds they were dancing again.

"What was that for?" Ziva said with a little smile, looking him in the eyes

"I wanted to see you, see how beautiful you are". He looked down at her and realized she was only wearing one of his big t-shirts. She really was amazing.

Just as it did in Berlin the world around them disappeared, it was just Tony and Ziva looking in each other's eyes. Suddenly Tony stopped dancing and Ziva got confused until she saw the look in his eyes. They both started to lean in and their lips met for the first time in 8 years. It was sweet at first, but it didn't takelong before Tony's tongue licked her lips, asking for entrance. She let him in and she couldn't help but feel a bit happy, it felt amazing kissing him. Ziva's last coherent thought was that she really had found a man who **deserves her love.**

**PHOOFS!**

**Review please! :)**


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